Working With Your Inner Imposter

I’ve decided that instead of overcoming my imposter syndrome, I’m much more interested in working with my inner imposter.

Imposter syndrome is described as the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. It often results in people feeling like "a fraud" and doubting their abilities.

This spring, I started following a therapist on Instagram named Angela who specializes in working with folks that struggle with imposter syndrome. Being able to access her thought processes and teachings has shifted the way I view my inner imposter. It’s an opportunity to get curious.

Where did they come from?

What do they look like?

What do they sound like?

And most importantly, what do they need?

Avoiding the Splinters

A lot of the work I’ve been doing has focused on not engaging with the imposter part of myself in the same ways that I used to.

If I try to fight against my inner imposter, it fractures and splinters, leaving little fragments that follow me everywhere I go.

When I was setting up my show at the end of April, I felt sick to my stomach, and it was a very vulnerable moment. The words that I put up on the walls to accompany my art were very personal, along with the art itself.

I was fighting my inner imposter the whole day. And eventually, I remembered that I needed to stop and listen. 

In doing so, I realized that my inner imposter was scared. They were fearful that there wouldn’t be space for me there. They worried that I’d be met with violence, hostility, cold indifference, apathy, or that the project would be abandoned altogether.

My inner imposter didn’t want me to hide, but they wanted me to remember what it was like to be oppressed when I was pretending to be something that I’m not. I’ve done that for most of my life out of desperation to survive.

There are still times when I find myself embellishing stories instead of telling the truest version I can. And every single time I do it, my inner imposter screams at me.

Making this show reminded me that the only way to soothe my inner imposter is to be completely transparent.

No more spinning the story.

No more exaggerating.

No more “Say it this way to be accepted.’

The more authentic I am, the more my imposter can take a breath. And the easier I can breathe, too.