The Violent System of Gender

Hi, I’m Nik and I’m ready to discard this whole gender thing.

I see the violence committed against all genders and the thing that people can’t seem to wrap their heads around is that nobody is immune to this violence.

Have you ever noticed that more often than not, the doors to the bathrooms in a restaurant are public? One says MEN and one says WOMEN. Maybe you’re dressed the way you always dress and that means no one else can tell if you’re “male” or “female”. You’re out for dinner and have to go to the bathroom, as humans do, and you have a choice to make. Everyone can see what you pick, which allows them to assume what’s in your pants. They’ll know that you have something that conforms to that gender. Now, because you’ve outed our gender like that, you are inherently subjected to potential violence.

Wave Goodbye to the Binary

There are more genders than just male and female. Pushing a binary closes the world to anyone who doesn’t fit it. This is white supremacy. I recommend reading about how the white race is supposedly the most pure because of the sexual dimorphism between male and female. And that's a lie. The dimorphism is trained for most of the population. Only a few people naturally fall into that ideal. Colonialism would have us believe this shit is real and something is wrong with us because we don't fit.

I believe places that have signage for bathrooms or change rooms that differentiate between any genders are being ignorant to a dangerous situation. People don’t get raped because they’re too feminine, slutty, or sexy. People get raped because some asshole decides that they are entitled to what’s in someone else’s pants. Many of the men that are (or have been) in my life have had an experience with sexual assault in a men’s bathroom. Why are we letting people get hurt like this? I think it’s dangerous for people to know what’s in your pants because then what if they want it? What if they think they can help themselves? That information should be between me and whoever I want to know. I should get to choose that. 

So why is this a thing in the first place? Are businesses trying to say their establishment is better because only that elite set of gender can participate? Is it blissful ignorance? Either way, something needs to change.

Can we just call it a Bathroom? Restroom? Toilet Services Room? Anything but a Men’s Room and a Women’s Room.

What is the inconvenience to make this change? The excuses are coming from people I don’t trust and people I think could hurt me or someone else. If you’re not seeing this picture, it’s not because you’re not trying, it’s because you feel entitled to know what’s in someone’s pants. And I don’t think that’s important. I’ve been highly sexualized to the point where what’s in my pants is the most power I have. And I think that I step into my power as a non-binary person saying “you don’t get to know what’s in my pants.”

Pushing Pronouns

Personally, I prefer not to have binary pronouns pushed at me. I don’t want to be called “he” or “she” and I don’t feel like I belong in either of those.

I had to fill out a form the other day and in one section, it asked me to fill out my sex. The options were male, female or intersex. Now, I have no idea what my chromosomes are. I’ve never been told. I don’t know if I’m XY or XX or whatever else and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. That’s not important! What’s important is that we keep trying to push people into these categories because it changes the way we treat them. But WHY should it change the way we treat them?

I understand that this service provider needs to know about my anatomy or physiology but those are different from sex and gender. Anatomy is not even static, we can change. You have the parts you have in the arrangements that they’re in. You can alter your parts to be more you.

I don’t really know what I am. I’m not a woman and I’m not a man, I’m not a child. When it comes to sex and gender, I don’t have an answer there.

This needs to be talked about more. Gender and pronouns are a complex subject. I would strongly encourage people to read about gender and all of the different ways that it can manifest for us. And also how it’s been used as a tool for oppression. Everybody is different, and everybody deserves the opportunity to choose what feels aligned for them. 

It’s important for people to be able to say:

“This doesn’t fit me.”

“This is hurting me.”

“I don’t have an answer.”

“I don’t need a label.”

And that should be enough. Full stop.