The Power of Healing

I’ve never had to consciously heal a broken bone before. I’m almost certain that I’ve broken bones in the past, but I’ve never had a cast or known I was healing bone. I've had x-rays that show healed breaks in my left arm, this is from a serious fall.

I thought I was just tired.

Healing your face is a lengthy process and takes quite a lot of work. Much more work than I thought it would be.

Balancing Rest and Restlessness

It’s hard to be productive and it’s also just as hard to rest.

So, to be frank, healing has been stupid. I feel completely and utterly useless.

Of course, I know that’s not true. It’s just healing. But I’m not a very good patient.. Probably because I lack patience. 

It’s pretty frustrating and I get impatient with my body because it’s not healing fast enough for me. Which is kind of funny when you think about it, because no one can force themselves to heal any faster. 

It’s out of our control and it’s a process that simply has to run its course.

Practicing Patience

Patience is not something that I’ve really had to earn or establish within myself. And learning how to be patient with my healing body has been weird.

I feel like this can then apply to other aspects of my life. I know part of my mental illness is that I have a tendency to catastrophize. I’ll find myself using words like ”always” and “never,” and avoiding the grey areas.

But this isn’t realistic.

One way that I’ve been able to cultivate patience is through having a “zero expectations” journal. That means journaling in any method I choose and for as long or short as I need.

Sometimes I journal ten times a day in tiny bursts of conversations with myself. It helps me slow down and figure out what I actually need to do. I’ll start with "Hey Nik, how are you?" And let everything flow from there.

Tired of Healing

I’ve healed my body from a lot of different things. So much that I believe I’m a rockstar at healing. I’m just tired of having to do it.

And I’m not alone! The whole world has been trying to heal for years now. Healing from COVID, all of the loss, late stage capitalism… The list goes on.

We’re all tired of trying to make our lives better.

When do we get to just “be”?