My Self-Care Journey
Throughout my life, I have not been very kind to my body.. Honestly, I ignored its needs for a lot of years.
There is so much tied up in my image of self and my treatment of self. These things are directly linked to how I was treated and what I was taught about my body as a child. Now as an adult, and as a survivor, it’s challenging to connect to my body and I feel dissociated often.
Awareness and Education
Understanding that our bodies are important and worthy of care is something that’s taught. Our bodies are our home and they carry us through our lives. But if our parents don’t teach us this, we’re left to hopefully learn it from elsewhere. Unfortunately, the loudest voice tends to come from the media, which definitely doesn’t have our best interests at heart.
No one ever taught me how to take care of my body outside of basic hygiene. But caring for it goes so far beyond that. It’s how we perceive ourselves, talk to ourselves, invest in ourselves and love ourselves.
I didn’t understand that my body is an integral part of my life and that it should be treated as something sacred.
When I take a moment to reflect, I can’t help but think about the many ancestors it took for me to even be here. They had to make so many decisions that led to my existence. My body is the sum of thousands of years of DNA being passed down from generation to generation.
When Shame Plays a Part
Self-care was typically frowned upon and judged in my family. Just getting your nails or toes done would earn a scoff and judgemental remarks. Tattoos and piercings led to being belittled. I was told that body modifications were painful and that the upkeep was really hard in order to deter me from getting them.
My parents fictionalized a lot of things to try to control me and steer me away from exploring. Because of that, I learned to dislike how messy and needy my body is. I was told that if my body had needs, there was something wrong with me and I was weak. So, I ignored its needs.
This shame is embedded deep. I’ve been on a self-care journey for about 6 years now, and there’s some things that I can’t undo. When it feels hard, I have to remind myself that it’s worth it.
You are Worth the Effort
Anytime I head to an appointment, it takes a lot of energy for me to let someone else take care of my body. I have to concentrate hard on relaxing.
As a disabled person with mobility issues and chronic pain, I need to be able to allow others to work on my body. There’s physical and emotional pain that I’m working through within these appointments and sometimes that feels insurmountable. But I need to be able to show up.
Take a few deep breaths.
Remember that my ancestors’ DNA resides within mine.
Remember that my body deserves love and care.
Remember that I’m worth the effort.
And you are, too!
